"Don't call it a comeback, comeback."

I'm back! I have been MIA for about a year. And as I just wrote that previous sentence I realized that it not only applies to this blog, but to my life. Let me catch you up on the past year and maybe that statement will make sense. I officially graduated from UT this August. I was pretty much done with school in May, minus a daunting online class that was a source of a lot of stress all summer. Despite that, I managed to graduate somewhat on time. After graduation, I was looking forward to getting my feet wet (I speak, and I guess write, in a lot of cliches-forgive me) by volunteering and working and deciding what I want to do now that I was free from the institution that made up my life for the last 17 years. My last semester of college was a particularly difficult one and I was ready for a long, fun filled break. I had it all planned out; I would volunteer, do tons of fun activities that school seemed to always interfere with (no, not just partying), and be on my way to being the person I wanted to be. But in typical fashion, all of my planning left me with yet another let down. See, I've discovered a theme in my life recently; mainly, everything I plan out and consume my thoughts with never happens. This brings me to the new theme of this blog. My goal is to have no goals. Basically, a non-plan, plan. I'm constantly disappointed when things don't work out how I envisioned, so to free myself from the time-sucking, bad mood causing, getting me no where plan making, I'm just not going to make any more. Sure, I have some general direction but it's time for me to try something new. I've been a living example of the definition of insanity for far too long. Thus, my new motto is, wait for it, (I watch way too much HIMYM) "stop thinking and start doing." I've learned that the biggest problem with all of the planning is the inactivity. I have been taking a passive role in my life and it's time to get active. Just doing. No more thinking if this opportunity will help my resume or if that job will help me get to my dream career. I'm guilty of regret (one of the worst feelings if you ask me) and I think the biggest regret I could have at this point in my life is not trying new things and doing SOMEthing. (This is my first step in doing something) So that's what I'm going to do. I'm not only looking for work experience, but life experience, and the only way to get some is to stop thinking and dreaming about the life I want, but get out there and live it. This is just some stream of thought. I actually have things written down I wanted to mention in this post.

I'm not quite sure what the tone of this blog is yet but if you stick with me I'm sure it will show itself eventually. In the mean time, I'm going to try my best to limit the long tangents(kinda like the one above) and the long explanations for the tangents. I get overwhelmed with so many ideas and I feel the need to get them all out immediately. But for your sake and my sanity, I'm going to try to find a focus for each post. I have a lot to talk about (and I'm reminded constantly my opinion isn't always appreciated)so I'll try to spread it out. Relating to my rant about life, here's a quote from possibly the worst romcom I've ever been so bored to watch: "we're all just an adjustment away from having the life we want." Or something like that. I found it to be a profound statement for such a ridiculous movie. But that's life. You never know what amazing things you'll encounter or learn when you get out of your comfort zone or give something a chance, even though you are positive it will bore you to tears. ( It almost did)

This blog is more like a diary or cathartic release for me. So far it is also a mirror pointing out all of my insecurities and personality flaws. Hopefully I'm the only one who notices. Either way, this blog will help me sort out my thoughts and and get out of my head a bit. If you read all of this then I hope I've intrigued you enough to find out what else I have to say. I promise that subsequent posts will be more focused and about one topic. Though, I can't promise that I will ever escape writing about the craziness that is my mind.

My 1012 YearMonth Plan

So, instead of wasting paper I'm just going to jot my thoughts down here. Secret fact: I'm a hopeless optimist. If I weren't so optimistic I could easily be the most depressed,cynical,psychotic etcetera etcetera person ever. I'm also pretty stressfree but I'm starting to think I could use a little stress in my life to force me to start thinking seriously about my future. Until this happens, here's what I've come up with. I'm going to experience as much as I can. This summer I'm going to have some kind of part-time job, probably a nanny job, and then I want to volunteer like crazy. I figure it will somehow help me realize my true aspirations. If not, at least I will have done something useful with my time and learned something in return. I want to take all types of classes too, from academic to dance classes, to classes that actually teach you something important about the real world. I also am going to live it up this summer. This is my last summer before I graduate college and it's going to be the best. It WILL be the best! (so far anyway) After my amazing summer ends, I'm going to kick ass in school (or not, doesn't really matter....I'll finally be 21 after all) and continue with my volunteering and work. I want to be the most well -rounded and most prepared I can be before I enter the "real world." When graduation nears, I'll probably start freaking out a little and wondering what I'm going to do to support myself. As of right now though, I'm not too worried. For me personally, I don't think grad school or a career right off the bat would be best. I want to experience everything life has to offer and I believe the best time for many of these experience is now. I'll try not to be jealous when people my age are going to law school or getting really cool boring adult jobs with a salary. You're always going to want what you don't have but I think my biggest regret would be not fully exploring all of my options. You have one chance to make your life what you want. That's really scary to think about because every decision you make affects the trajectory of your life. Precisely why it's so important to me to limit regrets. I can't say now what I'll be doing but I have high hopes that it will be something worth my time. It's most important to be happy and that's the goal I'm reaching towards now. I don't care if I have everything planned out. I just care that the ride is enjoyable.

2nd post, one night. You know what that means....

It means that my brain is being bombarded with thoughts and I have to rant on here to get them out. Okay, here we go....

A college student's most asked questions: "What's your major?","When are you graduating?", "What are you going to do when you graduate?". My answers: Psychology, spring '11, no clue. As I'm nearing an end to my junior year, my answer to this last question should be daunting. For some reason though, I'm not too bothered by it. The reason is because I don't try to think about. I have a mental block in my mind that prevents me from focusing on this one particular question. It's not because I'm scared, or because I can't decide what career I want; it's because I know what I don't want. Things I don't want: to work a 9-5 office job, to do something meaningless, to do something I don't believe in, to waste my life working. This doesn't leave very many options. You might get the impression that I just don't want to work and that I'm just being lazy. Maybe so, but that's not how I think of it. Why does everyone work anyways? Reasons: Money$$$, what else would you do?, sense of purpose....I don't even know. These are legitimate reasons. You have to have money to live in this world (boo), if you don't work what the hell else are you supposed to do?(oh right...what I do now), and what is a life if you don't feel needed in some way? Still, I'm not convinced. Even the high paying, high responsibility jobs don't appeal to me. Why? Because in the huge scope of things, it all seems so pointless. Jobs I've considered: Vet, Psychologist, Nutritionist, Doctor, Entrepreneur, Model....okay, so I haven't considered very many things. The big problem is that because I don't want to conform to society's rules, I'm going to be alone while everyone else is doing what they're "supposed" to do. So, I guess I have to accept that some day I will inevitably have some kind of job, but hopefully when I do it's something I care about. I think it would be really cool to do some volunteering and traveling abroad and be an activist and do something to make the world a better place. I really don't want to walk blindly through the world and stay in a tiny bubble, yet I have found that ignorance is bliss. So, maybe I'll just walk with my eyes wide open and be absolutely miserable (womp womp). We're all just here, for now, so I don't want to get caught up in things that aren't real. For example: politics, consumerism, making big buck$$, etc.etc....I just want to be happy and enjoy my life. Unfortunately, I think to really enjoy my life, I'm going to have to give in a little and accept certain things, but I don't want to ever forget the insignificance of things in the big picture. Even after writing this, I don't feel any closer. I still have no clue what I'm going to do. Maybe I will get a job and have money. Maybe I won't and I'll be poor. Either way, what am I going to do with my life?? And by life, I don't mean work. Those two words get used interchangeably too often.

So, by now I've probably given the impression that I'm slightly crazy and eccentric, (which is probably mostly true) but I'm just trying to sort it all out. Hopefully I'll come to a conclusion one of these days.

Being "Kind"

Last week I bought a book called "The Kind Diet." I got this book at the perfect time, because for the last few weeks I have begun the transition to a vegan diet. Alicia Silverstone wrote this book, who is a vegan and the girl from Clueless, but it is not just about avoiding meat. The message is about being the healthiest you and being "kind" to yourself, your environment, and other living things. Most people probably don't think about the food they put in their bodies as some important event or anything that is worth spending to much time thinking about, but this needs to change. There are so many yummy alternatives to the things many people just can't seem to give up, but this isn't to say that being a vegan is about having an alternative eating style. It's about reevaluating what food is and what is meant to go in our bodies. We eat so many awful things, often time without even knowing. The only real way to avoid this is to put down the bag of chips and and other processed foods and adopt a diet made up of real food. You know, the stuff that grows out of the ground. We aren't being kind to our bodies when we eat hard to digest meat and dairy products nor are we being kind to the environment that's suffering and the lives we're taking to produce these products. There's really no upside to eating a typical American diet. As people who know better and can do better, it's crazy that more people aren't. I realize that people who struggle financially and don't have a lot of time think they can get more bang for their buck by buying a $1 hamburger from McDonald's than spending a dollar on a bag of carrots. However, shouldn't we be making time? It's our lives at stake after all. A vegan diet is often cheaper than a diet with meat anyway, especially if you load up on veggies at a local farmer's market. (Isn't it kind of funny that meat is so cheap these days? Hmmm, I wonder why?) Most of us can't use this as an excuse and therefore have no reason to behave so nasty. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who wants to be kinder. I promise you will like it and find it inspiring. There's even a section for you stubborn people who don't want to give up meat. (Does it really taste that good? Think about what it's costing.) The section is called flirting and I encourage all of you to start flirting ASAP. (For those of you who are ready to move beyond flirting, there's the Vegan section, and then the ultimate section, Superheroes.) Once you start, you'll feel so good mentally and physically, you'll be angry you went all those years feeling less than your best.

P.S. I didn't intend on writing another post about food, but I really believe in being the best person I can be and what I eat is just another factor in this evolution. Hopefully, I can inspire someone else to join me on the journey to being "kind."

Test Drive

So, this is my first time to really attempt a blog(unless xanga and the occasional myspace rant counts). I'm not sure how loyal I'm going to be but my sister convinced me to give it a shot. I figured it would be good for me because I always have a thousand thoughts running through my mind and it would be nice to get some of them out to make room for more. I don't really know where to begin (I don't really know what direction I want this to go in) but I think I'll talk about something that is important to me. I have been a vegetarian for 2 and half years. I've always been a huge animal lover but by attempts prior to this to forgo meat had never quite stuck. I don't rememeber the exact moment, or why the moment was unique, but everything finally just clicked for me. So, for the last two and a half years that has just been my choice of eating. Lately, though, it has become more than that. I have learned so much about so much and it's hard to turn a blind eye. Ignorance truely is bliss people! Well, I don't know about you, but I just don't like the idea of being ignorant. I want the truth even when it's hard to hear(I'm going to talk some more about this certain topic for now, but I mean to apply it to everything). Once again, I don't remember the exact moment I started to think this way(actually I just don't want to think that hard to recall it) but ever since I have, I've become a different person. A particularly enlightening moment was when I read Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. In his book(which I encourage everyone to read) he attempts to discover the truth about the meat industry aka factory farming and what exactly we're putting into our bodies. This book isn't about persuading someone to go vegetarian/vegan; it's simply to shed light on the truth. I really learned a lot about the reality of how we have meat on our plates. This sparked my inquiries about many other things. If we are being sheltered aka lied to aka treated like mindless children aka brainwashed I could only imagine what else we believed to be true, but actually wasn't. After reading this book, I did some research. Now this is something we would all probably say "no duh" to but did you know that when things are advertised on tv like "build strong bones, drink lots of milk" or " clear your acne, get proactiv" or "have a healthy dog" get this dog food, or this baby food, etcetera, etcetera that you shouldn't always believe everything you hear/see/read? It just so happens, no surprise, that these adverstisments are there to convince you to buy their product (in case you didn't know, everything is always about money in this world). Now you might say, well they're not forcing me to buy it and if I don't want it, I won't. However, what if you don't have a choice? What if as a society, culture, world we have been brainwashed to believe these things(Please don't be scared by my use of brainwash, i promise this is going somewhere). Now, I don't have all the answers but I defintiely strive to find them. So far I have discovered(taking my own stance, this could all be lies too) that milk actually is not good for you(why would we drink another animal's breast milk after all). It contains growth hormones and things meant to grow a strong calf. I know I'm not trying to be as big as a cow. The fact is, it's not natural or good for us. If you're wondering how you will get your calcium, then you are once again proving the effect of 'their' brainwashing. Calcium does not just come from cow's milk people. A great source of calcium can actually be found in leafy, green vegetables and if you're not a veggie eater(even though you should be) there are other sources. Ok, enough preaching about what you should eat. What about the stuff you put on your body? Ever wonder what's in the lotion you slather on your body at night, the suncreen we're supposed to use to 'protect' our bodies, your eyeshadow, shampoo, lip gloss, and the list goes on? Turns out that there are many harmful chemicals in the things we are using. Is it too much to ask that my moistuizer not slowly kill me? Come on!! Is anything safe? Now one could go crazy examing every little thing (I'm afraid I'm on the verge) and that's not my point at all. My point is just to be more aware. Am I going to stop using my deodorant, perfume, hairspray? Probably not. But at least I know and can try to do my best to look for better things. Same goes for everything I listed earlier. The dog food you feed your dog probably has dogs in it and other disgusting things. The baby food you feed your baby probably has more sugar in it than a hot fudge sundae and waaay too many preservatives. It just goes on and on(like I have been, sorry).
I think I need to find an end here somewhere, so here it is.


Moral of the story, don't believe everything you've been told/read/seen. Question everything. What does that get you? Maybe a little crazy, but a lot closer to the truth.

Now that I got that out of my system, I promise my blogs will be a lot less preachy and more about new things I've learned and interested in. Also, about my search for the meaning of life(ahh, so cliche I know). I think I already know what my next post will be about. What makes a life, and what makes one truely happy? I probably should of started with this becuase this is what I think about the most. Ok, Ok I'll end here for now though. If you made it all the way through this, congratulations. I hope it was worth your time!