It means that my brain is being bombarded with thoughts and I have to rant on here to get them out. Okay, here we go....
A college student's most asked questions: "What's your major?","When are you graduating?", "What are you going to do when you graduate?". My answers: Psychology, spring '11, no clue. As I'm nearing an end to my junior year, my answer to this last question should be daunting. For some reason though, I'm not too bothered by it. The reason is because I don't try to think about. I have a mental block in my mind that prevents me from focusing on this one particular question. It's not because I'm scared, or because I can't decide what career I want; it's because I know what I don't want. Things I don't want: to work a 9-5 office job, to do something meaningless, to do something I don't believe in, to waste my life working. This doesn't leave very many options. You might get the impression that I just don't want to work and that I'm just being lazy. Maybe so, but that's not how I think of it. Why does everyone work anyways? Reasons: Money$$$, what else would you do?, sense of purpose....I don't even know. These are legitimate reasons. You have to have money to live in this world (boo), if you don't work what the hell else are you supposed to do?(oh right...what I do now), and what is a life if you don't feel needed in some way? Still, I'm not convinced. Even the high paying, high responsibility jobs don't appeal to me. Why? Because in the huge scope of things, it all seems so pointless. Jobs I've considered: Vet, Psychologist, Nutritionist, Doctor, Entrepreneur, Model....okay, so I haven't considered very many things. The big problem is that because I don't want to conform to society's rules, I'm going to be alone while everyone else is doing what they're "supposed" to do. So, I guess I have to accept that some day I will inevitably have some kind of job, but hopefully when I do it's something I care about. I think it would be really cool to do some volunteering and traveling abroad and be an activist and do something to make the world a better place. I really don't want to walk blindly through the world and stay in a tiny bubble, yet I have found that ignorance is bliss. So, maybe I'll just walk with my eyes wide open and be absolutely miserable (womp womp). We're all just here, for now, so I don't want to get caught up in things that aren't real. For example: politics, consumerism, making big buck$$, etc.etc....I just want to be happy and enjoy my life. Unfortunately, I think to really enjoy my life, I'm going to have to give in a little and accept certain things, but I don't want to ever forget the insignificance of things in the big picture. Even after writing this, I don't feel any closer. I still have no clue what I'm going to do. Maybe I will get a job and have money. Maybe I won't and I'll be poor. Either way, what am I going to do with my life?? And by life, I don't mean work. Those two words get used interchangeably too often.
So, by now I've probably given the impression that I'm slightly crazy and eccentric, (which is probably mostly true) but I'm just trying to sort it all out. Hopefully I'll come to a conclusion one of these days.
Dont think for a second that you have to follow a life timeline, you dont! Life has a way of chugging along whether youre on the train or on the tracks, it doesnt stop. You chose when to get on or when to get off. But remember life decisions have a way of piling up and ultimately limiting your options. Good read keep it up!
ReplyDelete